Over Seven Billion Lines Open, No Waiting

Some twenty years ago, my sister and her husband had the audacity to spend two years of my life in Sweden.  My sister is, as Cassandra Austen described her own sister Jane, "the sun of my life." 

My world stopped rotating with a violent jolt. I was stuck on one side of the planet while the sunshine, my best friend, was on the other side.

For you young'uns who don't remember, back then we cave dwellers communicated by telephones bolted to kitchen walls. So during this time of separation, my sister and I were forced to rack up the world's most horrendous long-distance phone bill. This was because it was heart-rending for the flow of conversation and commiseration and relation to be severed. When I was forced to hang up, either by my then-husband's distressed looks or the phone company's more effective
"interruption of service," it was always with an aching for more of my sister. I remember one day wheezing with laughter as we joked around about how great it would be if we could each have a tiny phone surgically implanted in one ear so we NEVER had to hang up. Then at three in the morning, if one of us wanted to talk to the other, she only had to whisper, "Heyyyyyyy...you awake?" 

Of course, this isn't as funny since the advent of the Bluetooth but at the time we thought it was ground-breakingly hilarious.

The point is this mind-blowing "technology" has always been available between us and God.  He's right here. For each and every one of us.

Psalm 139:8-10 says, "If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

His love, companionship, comfort, and guidance are never interrupted.  He is with you  - in the car, at the kitchen sink, in the hospital room - and ready to listen.

Not only is God available to hear your prayers any time, any place but He WANTS to hear your prayers. 

Isaiah 30:18 says, "The Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a god of justice.  Blessed are those who wait on him." 

What bigger thrill can there be than knowing that the same Creator who dreamed up, designed and created DNA and photosynthesis and seashells and tectonic plates longs to hear your prayers and bless you?

...and...these little white flowers.
( I didn't have a picture of tectonic plates.)

Strike Up a Conversation Today

I really hate constantly spewing weird confessions about myself out into cyberspace.

But here comes another one.

When I'm talking to a friend or a coworker, I often get all nervous and start to trip over my words or stammer or rush my words together unintelligibly.  Sometimes spittle is involved. Over the course of these many years, I've figured out that it's because I'm subconsciously thinking to myself, "I better hurry up and make my point before this person gets bored with me." I guess there's a shy school girl still lurking somewhere inside me worrying that what I have to say is not worthy of another person's time. At her prodding, I rush, end up sounding like an idiot and never manage to make that point.

Maybe you can't relate to that feeling of being weird, awkward and shy. You're probably poised, eloquent and brimming over with healthy self-esteem.  That's great.  No, really, I'm thrilled for you.

Perhaps you can relate more to this situation. Have you ever been perched on the exam table at the doctor's office and felt like maybe you'd better knock a couple questions off your list because the doctor seems to be getting a little antsy? Or felt like the doctor thought your concerns were laughable? Today, I horrify friends and family with a wrist that cracks every time I rotate it because over twenty years ago some rude doctor scoffed at my suspicion that I had carpal tunnel syndrome. After he dismissed my symptoms, I was too embarrassed to mention it to any other doctor.

What's that you say?  Nothing like that has ever happened to you? 

Well, of course, I'm genuinely relieved to learn that your physician is enraptured by your fascinating recitation of ailments and pleads to hear more. It seems your splendid good fortune has rendered my humble blog post quite unnecessary. (Sorry, reading a Regency murder mystery.)

What I was going to say is that, if by any chance you could relate to sometimes feeling that your conversation might not be worthy of people's time, or that others find your concerns laughable (or maybe even that your readers don't seem to empathize with you) there is Someone who has plenty of time and concern and empathy to lavish on you. 

God doesn't have a schedule that requires Him to cut your session short. You don't have to rush to blurt out everything you want to say before He has to rush off to his next appointment. He has all the time you need. Psalm 46:1 assures us that, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." He is always there to listen.

And when you stumble over your words in prayer or otherwise have trouble expressing yourself to Him, you can relax and just rest in the knowledge that, "your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Matthew 6:8 NIV)

An occasional rude doctor might walk away from you rolling his eyes, but God pursues you with joy. The Bible is full of beautiful metaphors illustrating how God chases after us, like a shepherd after a lost lamb, a loving father after a rebellious son, a forgiving husband after an unfaithful wife. He is not willing for even one person to miss out on a relationship with him. Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God demonstrates his love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

You are precious to Him! Psalm 139:13-14 expresses how He has known you and loved you since before your mother started researching baby names. "For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  His works are wonderful! That's you! 

You can vent to Him, cry to Him, confess your darkness secrets to Him. You can be honest with Him about your frustrations, your feelings, your failures and sins. He already knows the worst, even the stuff you try to hide from yourself, and He still loves you. (Psalm 139:1-4)

Wait! Wait! Don't walk away! I'm almost finished talking, I promise!

On those awful days, when you feel that no one can know how you feel or understand what you're going through, you can know for sure that God does understand and He hurts with you. In Psalm 31:7, the writer says to God, "I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul."

So that's what I was going to say. God is there for you always and wants to hear from you. You can relax, open your heart to him and be your genuine, imperfect self with Him without fear of rejection. "But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

Thank you for staying with me to the end. I am sorry if, in my rush, I got spittle on your computer screen. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests,
to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
                                                                                                            Philippians 4:6-7

Confidently Speaking

 I'm not one of those people who says, "The Lord told me this," or "The Lord placed it on my heart to do that." I've never felt comfortable talking like that because I can't trust myself.  I lie to myself and mislead myself all the time.  Not on purpose, mind you (sorry, been reading Agatha Christie.) It's just that we often tell ourselves something is true simply because we really want it to be true.

Here's a very non-spiritual example from my own fascinating life. It's 6:30 on a Monday morning. I am in my bathroom performing my toilette - which on the most delightful of days consists of merely brushing my teeth and slicking my hair down with sink water. With the best intentions, I assure myself, "You don't need to shave your legs in order to wear those capris pants today.  Your leg hair is blonde and fine.  No one will even see it." I really want it to be true. Two hours later, while on cross-walk duty, I glance down to discover that every single individual hair jutting out of my shins is highly visible.

Augh! Betrayed by my own self once again!!

If I could thus deceive myself concerning things seen, how much more so things unseen?

At this point in my life, I haven't had a lot of experiences where I know for sure that God told me a specific something. I might believe it or assume it or feel convinced of it but I don't feel comfortable going around declaring it boldly because it's highly possible my decision to, say, bow out of teaching Sunday School was my own selfish idea. I'm a little slow on the uptake so God has to really grab my attention for me to know for sure it's Him.

One time, God really grabbed my attention.

It happened about 17 years ago when my kids were five and six. I was newly divorced. My former in-laws were kind enough to let the three of us live with them while I did my student teaching. Life was chaotic and stressful but everything was going fine.  That is, until I lay my head on the pillow each night. That's when I uncharacteristically began to worry. "What if I die? Who will take care of my babies?" I knew my ex-husband was in no position to care for them. He's been in recovery for 13 years now but at the time he was not doing well. Staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, I would plan out my will and who would be responsible for my kids. I ran down the list of relatives: my mom, my dad, my in-laws, my siblings.  All of them were wonderful people but none of them were me!

It was imperative that these cuties be raised by someone who possessed a particular brand of 
                            kooky!

As I fretted about possibly leaving my kids orphaned, my body started playing tricks on me. My head started to hurt so I worried that I had a brain aneurysm.  I didn't even know what that was at the time but I was sure I had one. Then my chest started to hurt. I was certain I had heart disease and would promise God I would stop eating potato chips if he let me live through the night. I convinced myself I had breast cancer at one point.  I was a wreck into the wee hours.  But the sun would come up in the morning and my irrational fears disappeared. I never even told my sister or my mother all of my concerns because I completely forgot all about my ridiculous worries during the day.

But my fears returned each night. This happened for several weeks. I lived like my normal carefree self during the day but as soon as the house was dark and quiet I tortured myself with the fear of dying and leaving my children motherless.

One Sunday, I happened to get myself back to church.  I returned to the church my husband and I had attended but things had changed a lot and there were so many new people.  I sat next to a young woman I didn't know. At the end of the service she said, "Excuse me, God is telling me to tell someone something and I think it's you."

I was surprised and very curious.  I said, "Okay."

She said, "He's telling me to tell you that you're not sick. That there's nothing wrong with you so stop worrying about it."

He grabbed my attention all right!  I was amazed.  I was thrilled.

Number one: I wasn't dying and my kids could look forward to being raised by their own loving, goofball mother!

Sorry, you two!  I was your destiny! 

Number two: God had said something to me!!!  How amazing is that?!!

It was like the world's best celebrity sighting. Way better than the time Willie Nelson smiled at me or the time Bono leaned down from the stage to accept the rainbow button I handed him.  The Creator of the universe had just diagnosed me!

I had never told another person about my late night worries.  But God knew.  He was there with me when I was stressing myself out at night. He was paying attention to me and what was going on in my life. And He cared enough to tell me I was okay!

At that moment when the girl at church passed on this message, I smiled and said, "Thank you! Yeah, that was for me!" In my head I was thinking something like, "Oh, my gosh, God! Message received!" I stopped worrying immediately and completely.  That night, I returned to my usual unmotherly, stone-like sleep.

What I got from that experience in the long run, though, was, I think, even more valuable.

I don't know about you, but I sometimes struggle with doubts.  I think sometimes it can be hard to believe in God in today's world. Once in a while, I have a little tiny doubt that asks, "Do you tell yourself you see evidence of God's existence just because you really want Him to be real?"

I mean, doesn't it seem a little too good to be true? A God who knows you inside and out but still loves you, who cares deeply about you and is intimately involved in your life?

When I have these thoughts, I look back on this experience that, to me, cannot be denied. It restores and reinforces my faith in promises that are, yeah, too good for us to deserve, but, praise God, not too good to be true. So if you've been wondering...open your mind and ask Him to reveal Himself to you. He is there for you.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7